How To Be A Good Girlfriend & Mistakes to Avoid
There is so much misinformation out there on what it takes to be a great girlfriend. It’s not about cooking his favorite food or wearing sexy lingerie or mastering some crazy sexual trick (not saying these things don’t help, but they don’t get to the heart of the matter!).
Understanding how men think and what they need in a relationship makes an enormous difference in the way you are able to relate to one another.
The top prerequisite for being in a great relationship is to be your best self. A trap that many people in relationships fall into is blaming their partner when problems arise. Rather than seeing what they can do to make things better, they blame him for not being what they want and think that if only he did XYZ, then everything would be fine.
It doesn’t work that way, though. You can’t ever make someone what you want them to be. All you can do is bring your best. When you do this, the other person will usually rise up and match you at this level.
What Does It Mean to Be a Good Girlfriend?
Think back to your last boyfriend. What’s your first reaction?
“He was a great boyfriend (barring whatever split you two up).”
“Ug. He was the worst boyfriend. He didn’t care about me and was never affectionate.”
It’s probably easier to list all the things he did wrong than what he did right if he was a bad boyfriend. But think back further to a good boyfriend you’ve had.
Now take a moment and make a list of all the things that your boyfriend did right.
Does your list look something like this?
• He was always affectionate.
• He would give me gifts.
• We had great conversations.
• It felt like we were a team.
Now you know what it takes to be a good partner in general! Essentially, being a good girlfriend is treating your man the way you want to be treated. It’s the whole Golden Rule thing.
But take note: you shouldn’t want to learn how to be a good girlfriend because you want something from your guy. You should do it because you genuinely care about him. Maybe even love him. When you give without strings attached in a relationship, you get so much more in return.
Here’s another note: while I encourage you to treat your boyfriend how you want to be treated, that’s a generalization. We all have different quirks and desires. You might love kissing in public, while he hates it. So don’t kiss him more because that’s how you want to be treated!
Also, we have our own what is called Love Languages. Essentially, they’re the ways we prefer to communicate love or have it communicated to us. Often couples have different love languages. So while you might have a Love Language of gifts (you feel loved whenever he gives you one), his Language might be time (he’d rather cuddle with you on the couch). So consider what makes him feel loved as you work through this list of how to be a good girlfriend.
Signs of a Good Girlfriend
1. She’s Loyal To You
This is a pretty fundamental requirement of anyone in a monogamous relationship. Unless the two of you have agreed to be in an open relationship, your girlfriend has to be loyal to you, and this goes beyond simply not cheating on you or flirting. She should stick up for you around other people, and defend you if people are being rude or unfair to you.
2. She’s Herself Around You
One of the most crucial elements of successful long-term relationships is that you can truly be yourself around each other. Sometimes this is physical — think of Drake’s “sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on” line — but, more importantly, it extends to how honest she can be with you about things that really matter to her, and how your behavior impacts her, too. Open, honest communication is crucial, so make sure you find a girl who can be upfront with you.
3. She Shares Your Values
You and your girlfriend don’t have to agree with each other on everything, but when it comes to your fundamental beliefs and values, you two should be aligned. These often take a little while to come to light, so don’t be afraid to delve into the deeper questions when you are first getting to know a romantic interest.
4. She Listens To Your Problems
It’s not all frantic sex and exciting dates in relationships. There will occasionally be downtimes, too, and you need to be partnered with someone who will be there for you when things take a turn for the worse. Make sure your girlfriend is compassionate enough to hear your problems and, if even if she can’t always offer concrete solutions, she should at least be providing a shoulder to cry on, real or metaphorical.
5. She Lets You Be Vulnerable
Speaking of metaphorical shoulders to cry on, maybe your girlfriend needs to provide a literal shoulder to cry on, too. If you can’t be your most vulnerable self in front of your girlfriend, who can you be vulnerable in front of? Don’t be scared to cry or be confused, soft and unguarded in front of her, and if you feel like you can’t or she’d mock you for it, she’s not the one for you.
6. She’s Kind To The People In Your Life
Obviously, you want a girlfriend who is kind to you, but if she’s otherwise aloof or rude to your parents, friends or coworkers, that’s not ideal at all. Respecting the people in your life is a sign that she wants to be more fully a part of it, so pay attention to how she speaks to and behaves towards the people who are important to you.
7. She’s Got Your Back
We all have times when our partners drive us crazy, but you should be with someone who always speaks about you with respect. If your girlfriend is slagging you off or talking behind your back negatively, then that’s corrosive to your relationship and erodes the trust required for you to function as a couple. She’s allowed to criticize you, but pointless name-calling and attempts to shred your self-esteem shouldn’t ever be tolerated.
8. She Makes You Laugh
A shared sense of humor and the ability to bond over funny things is a key quality in any strong relationship and helps to keep things light. The best relationships have a dynamic where both people in the partnership can make each other laugh, so make sure you find a girl who cracks you up from time to time — after all, your girlfriend should also be one of your best friends, and you wouldn’t put up with a dour, humorless friend.
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Simpliest Ways to Become A Good Girlfriend
Here are the simpliest ways to be the best girlfriend to your boyfriend and enjoy a stronger, happier and lasting relationship with him.
|Photo: Lover Sphere
Trust is one of the keystones in any relationship. Men feel secure when you trust them because they don’t have to worry about being judged. In that case, they’ll start opening up everything to you without the need of using your interrogative skills.
Men don’t like a woman who lies. How can he trust you if you can’t be honest to him even in simple things? If you don’t want him to do the same, be that girlfriend who won’t give him any reason to break his trust.
Be that woman who will encourage your boyfriend to grow and not the naysayer one. Once he knows you believe in him, you’ll be a good girlfriend in his eyes, heart, and mind.
Respect his time with friends
Remember that it is also important for him to have other relationships (Friends) with people. Respect his time with friends and he’ll respect you for valuing those people who are significant to him.
Send him sweet messages
A quick message telling him “Good morning’ or “I love you” every day can brighten up his day. No matter how short it is, as long as it’s sweet, he’ll appreciate it because it makes him feel you’re reminded about him each day.
Dazzle him by dressing up for date night
There's nothing wrong with choosing comfort over sex appeal, but men do notice when you put in a little extra effort just for them. For me, it's as simple as curling a few strands of hair before a Skype date—for you, it might be swapping flats for heels on your next night out.
Appreciate his little efforts
Your boyfriend also needs to know and feel that his efforts are being appreciated. Let him know that you value him and you treasure every effort he does for you. It will make him feel better about himself and your relationship as well.
Listen when he needs you
One of the best things you can do as a girlfriend is to listen to him to know what he wants so you can fulfill his needs.
Show him you love him in public
From subtle—the keyword here is subtle—PDA, such as a thigh graze during dinner or kiss midstroll, to bragging about his latest work achievement to partygoers, you're signaling to your guy that you think he's tops—and everyone else should too.
A nagger is one of the guys’ worst nightmares. Continuous nagging will only annoy your boyfriend and ruin your relationship.
Help him break his limits
Your boyfriend has enough people in his life who discourage him to go beyond his limits. So be his personal cheerleader. Support him and help him reach his full potential.
Tell him how happy and blessed you are to have him
Guys also want to hear sweet words coming from their girlfriends. It isn’t hard to tell him how happy you are to be with him today or how blessed you are to have him each day. So why not start doing it?
Let him be
Respect him as a man. Give him the freedom and let him be without always trying to change him.
Tell him what bothers you
If there is something bothering you, tell him immediately rather than hiding it, so it won’t cause so much trouble in the future. We all know that most women have that “you should know” perspective towards their boyfriend. But, men are also insensitive and oblivious so they won’t know what you really feel unless you say it.
Read More: Best Kissing Tips to Become A Good Kisser
Accept his flaws
Don’t expect your partner to be perfect. Accepting each other’s flaws is the foundation of a strong and healthy relationship.
Give him space
Instead of putting pressure on him, why not give him space? Space to be with himself, his friends, work, or whatever he needs.
Let sex be just for him
Yes, sex should be about mutual satisfaction. But every once in a while, tell your guy that tonight is all about him. Offer to help him relax in ways other than unwinding in front of the TV, no reciprocation required. Or let him take the reins in the bedroom, choosing the positions and intensity that will bring him the most pleasure.
You know you’re a good girlfriend if you don’t rely on him all the time. Your boyfriend also wants you to have a little dependence. You’ll look more responsible if you do so.
Your ability to step into the shoes of another person, understand their feelings, and recognize their perspectives seems to be in free-fall. It is not easy to be a man, so try to listen to his side instead of constantly trying to tell him yours.
Support his passion
If your boyfriend has a dream, be that person who’ll support him to achieve it. It would be a success on your part once you see him accomplish it.
Motivate and inspire your boyfriend every day. Be that woman behind his every success.
Take care of him
Show care to your partner even in simple ways, like cooking a healthy meal for him or giving him a relaxing massage to get rid of stress.
Try to keep discussions positive
Start out a discussion in a positive and productive way rather than constantly arguing about a simple matter.
Be a respectable woman
A good girlfriend knows how to carry herself and behaves like a real lady.
|Be Great in the Bedroom
Okay, you don’t have to be a porn star. In fact, that would be a turn off for a lot of guys.
But you do need to make sure that you’re both having fun.
Try a few new moves and see how he reacts. Does he like it? If he does, continue doing it!
If you’re not enjoying yourself, speak up! Have a conversation about what you like and what he likes.
Bedroom action isn’t everything in a relationship, but it is important. Having fun will lighten up the atmosphere and build connection between the two of you.
Share in what he loves
I've got a friend whose husband could talk politics day and night—and when he does, she opens a book and zones out. She would earn so many more points instead she lent him an ear, asked engaging questions, and sent him news articles that might pique his interest. So whether your man gets into sports, music, or craft beers, engage him on what he loves, even if it's not your own cup of tea.
Be extra kind to his parents
You're already polite and complimentary, but kick up your parental impressions a notch by sending them cards to celebrate their birthdays and bearing baked goods when you visit their homes. Showing extra care and respect to the team who raised this awesome man will resonate with them and him.
Give him a quick kiss
Try giving him a quick sexy signal when his friends are around. He will have a morale boost knowing that you can give him a peck or a tight hug in front of people he knows.
Buy him tickets to a game
One of the easiest things to impress him is to buy two tickets to a game he loves, the other ticket being for his friend. This clearly shows that you want him to have his time off and enjoy without you.
This is another tip that will enormously help your relationship, but also your life in general. Men cannot resist a woman with a smile. When your guy comes home, greet him with a smile…and then vent if you had a rough day and need to let it out.
Develop Your Own Hobbies
Nothing kills a relationship faster than people who do nothing else but obsess about the relationship.
Sure, you love the other person but don’t forget that you’re still your own people, which means you should still maintain your own personal lives and nurture that individually.
In simpler terms, take the time off from hanging out all the time and do something else.
Nothing is more attractive than dating a person who is set on doing his or her own things, whether it’s writing a book or starting a new business venture.
You don’t want your identity to revolve around being his girlfriend. Trust us, no successful, happy, and mentally healthy person would want to date someone who is 100% invested in the relationship and nothing else.
There are certainly more tips on how to be a good girlfriend (and you can definitely come up with your own list), but these should get you started.
Pay attention to his reaction to each thing you try. You may find that he responds well to you being open, but might not love you giving him space if he’s not a man who needs it. Reassess results and tweak your strategy accordingly.
Realize that the ways you work on how to be a good girlfriend may change over time. Your relationship will change, as will each of your needs. So go with the flow, and continually work on how to be a good girlfriend (and maybe one day: a wife!).
Girlfriend's Mistakes To Avoid
Don’t force him to change
Inspire him to change for the better instead of controlling and forcing him to change. Be a role model. If you want him to be a good boyfriend, inspire him by being a good girlfriend first.
Don’t flirt with other men
A good girlfriend is loyal and faithful; she won’t make her boyfriend feel jealous and won’t flirt around with other guys. Show him how desirable you are and trustworthy by fixing your eyes only on him.
Don’t dwell on the past
Don’t dig up the past every time you have an argument with your partner. Let bygones be bygones and give your relationship a chance to move forward and grow stronger.
Do not buy clothes for him
If the two of you have just started dating, girls beware, do not buy clothes for him. This will make him think that you do not like his dressing style. He, as it stands, must be getting loads of clothes from his mother. You sure do not want him to think in those terms, do you?
Don’t take him for granted
The worst thing you can do to your boyfriend take him for granted. Pay attention to him and don’t stop appreciating all the little things you used to love about him.
Do not make your partner your only priority
Women tend to give too much attention to their boyfriends or husbands that their own personal lives shrink in the process. While being friends with your spouse’s friends is a good idea, do not forget to have your own social circle too. Many a times, women do not stay in touch with their friends once they have a significant other. Their priority changes and they start to concentrate on their boyfriend or the husband while it is not the same with men. Guys, on the other hand, do make you a priority but they also very well know how to prioritize themselves well.
Do not be too giving
While it is not wrong to be giving in a relationship, rather that is what makes the relationship complete, but giving to an extent where you put your own needs down is something which is not correct. For example if the partner is abusive— whether physically, emotionally or verbally— a step needs to be taken. Give a warning saying that it is not acceptable, but if it is something wrong that’s happening repeatedly then it’s time to break the relationship.
Do not spend all your time with your boyfriend or husband
The old adage ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ actually stands true. Ladies, consciously take some ‘me time’ out of your ‘we schedules’ and pamper yourselves too. After all relationship is hard work and it often pays if you take some time off it, sit back and relax.
Do not lose your identity
Take time out for yourself and utilise it by doing things which would make you feel empowered—be it a hobby or something you have been thinking to focus on since long. Nurture your individuality and have your own identity apart from your partner’s.
Do not be financially dependent on your spouse
Money is a constant source of argument even among the best of the couples. Considering our societal structure, though a man is supposed to support his spouse monetarily, it is also advisable for women to be financially independent. Financial security gives you a sense of accomplishment.
Do not be too emotionally dependent on your spouse
While being emotionally attached to your boyfriend or husband is natural, Dr Ahuja advises that a woman should never rely emotionally only on their spouse. Instead, having two-three different support systems is always a smart thing to do in your relationship. The point being— Have more people in your life, be it family or friends.
The traits of a "good girlfriend" In Men Eyes
"Someone who has my back and loves me but loves me enough that they will call me out if I'm being a total fuck wit."
"Someone who actually respects you, listens to you, takes time to learn about the things you're interested in and always be supportive of you."
"Someone who is kind: kind to me, kind to herself, kind to others. Not a pushover or anything, but just not vindictive, mean, or petty."
"Someone who likes me for me and respects me enough to agree to disagree on some things but won’t hesitate to call me out if I’m being a fuck wit."
"One who respects me and my freedom as much as I do hers. Not more, not less..."
"Someone who is both your girlfriend, and your best friend. Someone with whom you have deep understanding of each other, and who always has your back."
"Someone who is always willing to put in the effort to fix relationship issues."
"Someone who likes you equally as much you like them. So it's not an out of balance relationship, with one person being obsessed with the other person and the other person inching away."
"A person you can show your vulnerable side to without getting judged and without regretting it afterwards."
"Someone who fights with you for the relationship instead of fighting you over the relationship, when shit hits the fan in life."
"Someone who supports your ambitions, but calls you out on your bullshit."
"Someone who lets me truly be myself with no judgement and forgives my silly mistakes."
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