What to Do If You Feel Lonely in Your Marriage: 5 Tips from a Psychologist
|Lonely in Your Marriage!
As it turns out, almost half of adults experience isolation in their marriage. But why do we feel that way around our loved ones, and is there anything we can do about it?
The good news is there is always hope to get the marriage back on track. It won’t be easy, but it is manageable. The following few passages will teach you how to deal with loneliness in marriage and feel connected again.
What does it mean to feel alone in a relationship?
Loneliness is something all of us feel from time to time. Some say that women are more prone to feel isolated because they need more communication. But in reality, women and men can be equally lonely in marriage. It’s not gender-related.
So, what makes a marriage lonely? Being alone in a relationship means you don’t feel connected, loved, or pursued anymore.
Many people suffering from feeling lonely in a relationship use words like “roommate” or “business partner” when describing their marriage partner. They’re afraid to open up to their spouse or other people about their pain because they’re unsure it’s a real problem. Well, it certainly is a problem, and it needs to be addressed.
Signs of loneliness in a relationship
How to be sure that you’re not making things up and your relationship needs mending? Don’t rush to conclusions until you compare your situation with the following signs.
Signs you are lonely in a relationship include:
- Your spouse has become indifferent or antagonistic and blames you for everything that goes wrong in your marriage.
- You get tons of ungrounded criticism. Yet, despite all your effort to be a better self, your spouse is never happy.
- You feel like you constantly beg for attention. It’s a part of emotional neglect.
- Your wife or husband is never home, so you feel lonely and abandoned. Yet, they always find time for other people.
- Your sex relationship has worsened.
Ways to overcome loneliness in marriage
|Signs of loneliness in a relationship
If you’re tired of feeling alone in the relationship, it’s time to stop hoping that everything will be fine as if by magic. Essentially, you have two options – pretend your relationship doesn’t have any issues and remain bored and lonely in your marriage or admit the problem and handle it.
Those of you who chose to fight for your love will need a roadmap. So, here’s some advice to fix a lonely marriage.
1.Figure out the reason you feel alone in the relationship.
Every issue has its root cause. If you identify it, you’ll better understand what you need to do to resolve it. So, what are the possible reasons for being lonely in a relationship? For instance, this feeling may come from being unheard whenever you try to communicate with your spouse. In this case, you need to restore the emotional connection and intimacy since they are the vital ties that keep all married couples together. Another reason may be gender differences in perceiving the same thing. For example, women need emotional support more often than rational solutions to their problems, while men need the exact opposite.
2.Talk to your partner about your concerns.
Admitting and discussing the problem may be scary at first, but you have to be brave to fight loneliness in marriage. The thing is, your spouse may not even realize they’re making you feel lonely. Some of them think their marriage is great and they’re meeting your needs like a pro. So, don’t be afraid to discuss what bothers you openly. When you speak to your partner, make sure you don’t use an accusatory tone. Instead, explain how you’ve been feeling lately and suggest ways to fix it.
3.Allocate time for each other daily.
According to research, physical and emotional intimacy are primary predictors of high relationship satisfaction and remedies for loneliness. One of the reasons couples alienate is a busy working schedule and household responsibilities. Finding time for each other can fix this situation. For instance, you can use the following ways to become closer and beat loneliness in marriage:
- Spend at least 30-60 minutes a day discussing issues, praising each other, or reflecting on good memories.
- Engage in activities that both of you like, even if it’s watching a TV show and laughing together.
Look at your spouse’s reaction after you suggest spending more time together. If they agree, it’s a good sign. If not, maybe the underlying problem is more serious than just a busy schedule.
4.Work with a family counselor.
Marriage counseling is an effective tool for restoring closeness in a romantic relationship. Unfortunately, many couples don’t go to therapy because one of the partners is hesitant or doesn’t recognize that the marriage needs professional help. Yet, counseling provides a calm and eye-opening environment where each spouse can freely express their concerns and see the other person’s point of view. It helps to form deeper connections and find a practical solution.
5.If you’re in a toxic relationship, get out.
Isolation is a fairly common tactic (48% of cases) of psychological abuse in relationships. If you’re suffering in an unhappy marriage with a spouse who abuses you emotionally and does it intentionally, maybe it’s time to leave this toxic relationship for good.
The Bottom Line
Marriage is a romantic partnership where two people are united by one goal. You can try and be happy alone in a marriage. But then, what’s the point in staying together? And if you can’t bear feeling the loneliness, do something about it. Don’t wait for miracles to happen. Start improving your marriage from the outset of the problem, and you’ll have a better chance of saving it from falling apart.
Natalie Maximets is a certified life transformation coach and a contributing writer at OnlineDivorce.com. She’s proficient in cognitive-behavioral therapy, parent-child relationship, and trauma recovery methods.
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