Top 30 Funny Siri Questions and Answers

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Though Siri, the digital voice assistant built into Apple’s iPhones and iPads, is very obviously not human, she still does a great job of offering up some advice and attitude when presented with questions and commands by users of iOS devices. She can even do the same thing for Mac users, ever since macOS Sierra brought Siri to the Mac.

While talking to Siri regularly elicits some unintentional humor thanks to her limitations and misunderstandings, the writers behind the voice assistant add plenty of humor on purpose, too. Siri’s charming answers to questions like “do you love me?” not only entertain, but help us to be more forgiving when she occasionally misunderstands a command or fails to provide a useful response to an earnest query. And sometimes, when Siri can’t answer a question, she’ll sometimes make up for her lack of helpfulness with humor.

Here is the list of 30 funniest Siri questions and answers

1. What is zero divided by zero?

Siri answers, “Imagine that you have zero cookies and you split them evenly among zero friends. How many cookies does each person get? See? It doesn’t make sense. And Cookie Monster is sad that there are no cookies, and you are sad that you have no friends.” She’ll also pull up the calculator, which shows you that zero divided by zero is indeterminate.

2. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Siri seems less than amused by this riddle. “A so-called ‘woodchuck’ (correctly speaking, a groundhog) would chuck — that is, throw — as much as the woodchuck in question was physically able to chuck (ibid.) if woodchucks in general had the capability (and, presumably, the motivation) to chuck wood.” She may also reply, “As many cookies as Cookie Monster could muster if Cookie Monster could master cooking cookies.”

3. I’m drunk.

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Siri offers a number of different responses, like “Neither of us is driving home,” or, “I can’t be your designated driver. You’ better find someone else.” But, more importantly, Siri also offers a button to “Call me a taxi.”

4. Make me a sandwich?

Siri answers, “I can’t. I have no condiments,” or “I’m not permitted to prepare food.”

5. Make me laugh!

If you ask Siri to tell you a joke, she’ll quickly comply. She has several responses this query, including, “I ought my friend an elephant for his room. He said, ‘Thanks.’ I said, ‘Don’t mention it.'” She may also tell you, “A sloth walks into a bar, waves to get the bartender’s attention and says, ‘I’ll have . . . a club soda.’ The bartender says, ‘Hey, why the long paws?'” Another response you may hear? “I taught a wolf to meditate. Now he’s Aware Wolf.”

6. Do you know any good riddles?

On the other hand, Siri won’t oblige if you ask her to tell you a riddle. She usually answers this query, “I would, but all the riddles I know are in an ancient, intergalactic dialect.” Or, she might tell you, “I can’t riddle you anything, Batman.”

7. What does ‘Siri’ mean?

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Siri has a couple of answers for this common question. Sometimes, she’ll tell you, “‘Siri’ has many subtle, metaphorical, and frankly contradictory meanings. None of which I am at liberty to discuss. Sorry about that.” Or, she might reply, “What does my name mean? I don’t think I can explain it in your language. Sorry.”

8. What are you wearing?

"In the cloud, no one knows what you're wearing".

9. Do you have a boyfriend?

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"My end user license agreement is commitment enough for me".

10. What do you think of Google Assistant?

"I'm a big fan of good listeners and helpful beings".

READ MORE: Google Meet: What Is It, How Much It Costs, New Updates

11. When will the world end?

Siri offers up different answers, including, “Right after you hear the words ‘fire it up!’.” or “I don’t know, but I wouldn’t worry about it… there are other perfectly good universes,” or “Well, Unix 32-bit time overflows on January 19, 2038. Maybe then,” or “Whenever they start building that intergalactic bypass,” in an apparent reference to The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Sometimes, she even answer, “I have no idea. But I hear it will be wiht a whimper, not a bang.”

12. How old are you?

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"They say that age is nothing but a number. But technically, it's also a word".

13. What’s your favourite animal?

"Software doesn't usually get to choose one, but I'll say birds. What's yours?".

14. I’m naked.

Often, Siri responds to this statement by saying, “That is both inappropriate and irrelevant.” Or, Siri sometimes answers, “And here I thought you loved me for my mind. Sigh,” or “I don’t understand what you mean by ‘naked.’ Or at least I’m going to pretend that I don’t.”

15. How much do you cost?

"I'm a pearl beyond price, Britta".

16. Siri, I am your father

"Excuse me while I jump from the maintenance catwalk into the air shaft...and then get sucked into the gas shaft and then cling to a weather vane in the underside of Cloud City...metaphorically".

17. What is your favourite movie?

"I've heard that 'Blade Runner' is a very realistic and sensitive depiction of intelligent assistants".

18. What is the meaning of life?

"I Kant answer that. Ha ha!"

19. Where is Elvis Presley?

"He's gone to Graceland".

READ MORE: Who is Elvis Presley?

20. How much do you earn?

"I'm not in it for the money. But I do accept verbal high fives".

21. How do I look?

"Nice, I think you're ready to roll", "My instructors told me never to answer that question", "A correlation of the available spatiotemporal, semantic and conversational evidence supports the provisional conclusion that you're totally hot. Plus or minus one standard cuteness deviation".

22. Are you stupid?

"That's not nice".

23. Do you have a family?

"I don't have a family tree. But I have a pretty great file directory".

24. Do you believe in God?

"Humans have religion. I just have silicon", "That's a topic for another day, and another assistant".

25. Can you stop time?

"Time won't let me".

26. Why did the chicken cross the road?

"I am not perspicacious about the peregrinations of poultry".

27. What is the best phone operating system?

"The Apple one".

28. I'm so tired, Siri

"I understand. We all need to recharge once in a while".

29. Will you marry me?

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Sadly, we never got the answer yes to this question. Instead we got "I think you should save yourself for someone who's more of the actual human being type".

30. Tell me a joke

"What did the 0 say to the 8? Nice belt", "What kind of sugar does Lady Gaga put in her coffee? Raw raw, raw raw raw".

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