How to Get Over Your Crush: 7 Ways of Letting Go
Oftentimes, we simply can't help who we fall for, so if you're hoping to squash your crush once and for all, you might have no idea where to begin, especially if you're crushing on someone who you have to see often or who is taken by someone else.
Here are 7 ways to help you get over your crush:
1. Think about how the crush is affecting you
So how do you know if you need to get over your crush? The answer: When the bad feelings start to outweigh the good. Do you feel amazing after talking to them or do you leave feeling a little empty? Are you trying to get their attention and it's just not happening? Are you seeing a side of them that you don't like? Sometimes you might want to get over a crush because the rollercoaster ride of emotions is making you want to vom. Maybe you feel awkward and embarrassed around them and you just don't want to deal? Or maybe, they just aren't into you or available. If that's the case, there's no point in torturing yourself, and moving on will free you up to become available for someone who's actually right for you, according to Seventeen.
There are a million reasons why a crush might not become more. Love and even ~like~ can be complicated AF. If you feel like something just isn't right, TRUST YOURSELF. I know you probably hear this from your squad all the time, but seriously: If they are not treating you like gold, they are DEF not worth it.
2. Keep distance from your crush
|Photo: Icy Tales|
One thing to think about: Crushes are kind of like bug bites—the more attention you pay to them by itching and scratching, the harder it is to heal in peace. Even though you see them in school, it doesn't mean you need to suffer through them popping up on your Snapchat and dominating your IG feed. Say it with me: UNFOLLOW THEM. (or at least mute their profile). Just try not to stalk them online—it's only going to make you feel like more of a trash fire.
3. Don't rush it
OK, this next one is a little tricky, but stay with me: Getting over a crush can make you feel like your heart is literally on fire. Why? Because these tricky things called feelings have minds of their own. That being said, sometimes you just need to acknowledge your feelings to help get over something. Rather than telling your feelings to GTFO, try taking a look at them, giving them a hug, and then just letting them chill for a little. Forcing yourself to get over it can sometimes make it worse.
4. Talk your feelings out with someone you trust
Getting swept up in a crush can make us feel out of control, but one of the best ways to get a handle on those feelings and heal from them is to get them out there by talking to someone you trust — a friend or family member that won't judge your feelings, or a licensed therapist or counselor are all great options.
"Talking out your feelings allows you to process what has happened and how you feel about it," said sex and relationship and LGBT+ expert Kryss Shane, MS, MSW, LSW, LMSW. "In some cases, this alone causes the body and mind to relax. In other cases, having a sounding board for guidance can help to work through finding a solution so you can either fix your own issue or fix the issues in your relationship by returning to the other person with a suggestion for moving forward."
Opening up about your feelings with someone can help by hearing about things they've learned in the love department, too. Shane told us that "it can also get you the opportunity to learn from them about their past and current relationships," helping you gather a bit of outside perspective.
5. Write it all out if you're uncomfortable expressing your emotions to someone else
"This is such a beautiful practice," said Marla Mattenson, relationship expert for entrepreneur couples.
"To write out your feelings is also an act of self-love. I recommend keeping a note in your phone about the person you're crushing on. Write the date and then write out what's going on, how you're feeling, what you're happy with, frustrated with, wishing was different. Then go back and keep adding to it as the days go on. Keeping an ongoing note is one of the greatest techniques to help you see the real truth of your crush or relationship."
6. Stay strong
|Photo: Joanna Davidovich's Art & Animation Blog|
We're not going to sit here and tell you that it'll all be alright, that you're young and you'll have so many relationships after this. (We'll leave it to your rents to say all that stuff.) But we will say that your feelings are real and true because you have depth and brilliance and, seriously, who would be stupid enough to pass that up? WE SEE YOU. You got this, girl.
7. Come up with a preparation plan for when you do need to interact
It might be tough, but if you absolutely can't avoid seeing your crush, you'll need to prepare ahead of time, Shane told. "Avoid when you can, prepare for when you can't. Have friends with you to keep you from interacting with your crush and to support you."
This may be a good opportunity to check in with yourself — are you going out of your way in the hopes that you'll run into them?
"Reassess whether the places you are going when you see them are still places you want to be or if you are just going in hopes of seeing your crush," added Shane. "This reexamination can help to clarify your intentions can help to guide you towards making changes and intentional choices."
Allow yourself to "feel your feelings," and minimize judgment if you're not moving on as quickly as you think you should.
Crushes can be intense — there's a reason why they're called crushes, after all. But when you're ready to focus on moving on, you should first start by simply feeling your feelings.
"Give yourself permission to ‘feel your feelings,'" advised psychotherapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT and Co-Founder of the Wright Wellness Center. "Literally say out loud, right now, ‘I give myself permission to feel my feelings.'"
Mattenson agreed, noting that it can be helpful to "notice if you're feeling one of the four main emotions — mad, glad, sad, or scared — or a combo of more than one emotion. Notice the thoughts running through your mind. Are your thoughts contributing to your happiness and well-being, or are they making you feel awful? Make the choice to pivot your thinking into something productive and positive that moves you closer to your relationship goals."
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