Top 7 worst movies of all the time
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| Photo: Forbes.com |
For every movie that enjoys critical and commercial success, there’s a total stinker that flops at the box office and gets savaged by critics. There have been thousands of terrible movies released down the years — some of which can be quite enjoyable in the right setting.
While some movies fall into the ‘so-bad-they’re-good’ category and end up as cult favourites, some are simply downright unwatchable. From vanity projects to sordid horror movies, these are the worst films ever made.
7. Sex Lives of The Potato Men
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| Photo: worstmoviesevermade.com |
Director/screenwriter Andy Humphries, lottery players, the whole of the British film industry. Two chip-shop delivery men dreaming of wild sex and easy women instead slip into boorishness, misogyny and crude jokes. All of that might, maybe, be just about OK if it was funny - but this is so cringe-inducingly nasty that it just isn't.
Redeeming feature: Lucy Davis, who deserves better than a place here. "This is one of the two most nauseating films ever made a seedy medley of sketches a masterclass in filmmaking ineptitude." - James Christopher, The Times.
6. Heaven's Gate
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| Photo: directorsseries.net |
Director Michael Cimino. The story goes that director Michael Cimino asked why no one was drinking champagne at his film's premiere, and was told, "Because they hate the movie, Michael." There are five uninterrupted minutes of fiddle playing - on roller skates - and Jeff Bridges throwing up, also on roller skates. But it's a Western - go figure.
The 219-minute cut is said to be considerably better than the original 149-minute version. "Heaven's Gate" is something quite rare in movies these days -- an unqualified disaster." - Vincent Canby, New York Times.
5. Epic Movie
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| Photo: theguardian.com |
Writer-directors Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer. Yet again. A lazy collection of recreations of scenes from blockbuster movies and, for no obvious reason, the likes of Nacho Libre and Borat, but with added scatological humour. Even if that were forgivable, the waste of actual talent like Crispin Glover and Kids in the Hall's Kevin McDonald is not.
The aging Harry Potter cast gag is a good idea, briefly. "The cinematic equivalent of a tapeworm, this delivers few laughs beyond the initial chuckles of recognition. Seltzer and Friedberg have another script in development called Raunchy Movie; one idea they may not have considered is "Watchable Movie." - J.R. Jones, Chicago Reader
4. Raise The Titanic
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| Photo: ultimateclassicrock.com |
Director Jerry Jameson, screenwriter Adam Kennedy. A film so expensive that its producer famously quipped it would have been cheaper to lower the Atlantic, this Titanic flopped at the box-office and caused author Clive Cussler, on whose book it was based, to deny Hollywood his books for 20 years (then he allowed Sahara, which is another story).
The sight of the wrecked Titanic sailing into New York is strangely moving. "The execution is so bland it makes even the ludicrous stretches of the plot seem airless and unexciting. When we finally get to the disaster movie in reverse section of the film, any potential thrill is lost in swathes of boring exposition and in undistinguished special effects (where did the money go?). It feels as tethered and limp as a TV movie." - Ian Nathan, Empire.
3. The Love Guru
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| Photo: moviehousememories.com |
Mike Myers. A comedy so bad that it made us question whether any of Myers' back-catalogue had ever been funny, this starts with an unoriginal character and borderline racist and sexist humour before heading straight for the toilet. When shagging elephants are your comedy centrepiece, something is seriously askew.
For the second time on this list, Justin Timberlake is the best thing in this. Here he's a well-endowed French-Canadian ice hockey star. Honestly, we were surprised too. "The Love Guru is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again." - A.O. Scott, The New York Times
2. Battlefield Earth
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| Photo: editorial.rottentomatoes.com |
Director Roger Christian, L. Ron Hubbard, the whole of Scientology. John Travolta as a dreadlocked, 9ft. tall alien. Forest Whitaker as his dimwitted sidekick. Barry Pepper saving the world. Alien invaders kept at bay by thousand-year-old technology stockpiled by the good old US of A.
The only way this could be more ridiculous would be if all those involved played it dead serious but looked as camp as Christmas? Oh, wait. When viewed as a comedy, it's high-larious. "Pretty much the Showgirls of sci-fi shoot-em-ups" - Dennis Harvey, Variety
1. Batman and Robin
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| Photo: hollywoodreporter.com |
| Director Joel Schumacher, screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, George Clooney, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Gaining nearly three times as many votes as the next entry, this was a runaway loser. From the neon design to the overblown script to the infamous Batnipples, it's become a byword for franchise-killing and bad movie-making. A good half of the population would argue for Alicia Silverstone's arse in the Batgirl suit; the rest for George Clooney in a tux. "[The cast] is quite a line-up, boasting a broad choice of dramatic styles, and what lends the movie cohesion and integrity is the fact that all those involved have come up with their worst imaginable performances. You sit there feeling brain-damaged and praying for the mayhem to cease." - Anthony Lane, The New Yorker. |
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